Thursday, February 01, 2007

Boston is a child that shits itself from Fear

I don't know which is worse: The fact that no one in Boston was able to recognize one of the Mooninites from Aqua Teen Hunger force, or that the city spent millions of Emergency Response dollars to protect its citizens from... Lite Brites.
I was quite surprised to hear the tranquilized and sardonic voice of Ignignot the Mooninite on NPR's Morning Edition. My interest in keeping up with Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and Adult Swim in general, was abandoned around the same time I no longer found myself being woken up at 9am by a housemate nudging me with a bong-- but I still love the episode with those angry little Mooninites.

Then my jaunt down memory lane was cut short by the rest of the news story, which explained that the city of Boston was basically shut down yesterday due to presence of "electronic devices planted at key transportation sites." Yes, Terror struck in the form of a giant angry 5-year-old girl carrying around explosive Lite Brites and hanging them around to make Boston A LITTLE LESS FUCKING BORING.

Actually, the terrorist in this case was Turner Broadcasting employing the technique of "guerilla advertising" in 10 major cities around the country. Only Boston freaked out. If they think random glowing cartoon images on buildings is scary, just wait until flat panel TV screens are calling out your name and embarrassingly large pants size as you slog through your local shopping mall.

Here is one of the news reports. I definitely agree with Mayor Menino that the 20-something guys who put up the advertisements should get 2 years of prison for each of the 9 deployed Lite Brites. And I also think we should mandate a monthly gathering where the citizens of Boston dig a huge trench, sit on the edge of it and lose control of their bowels by imagining scary things, and then empty their wallets into the shit-filled ditch.

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