Sunday, January 28, 2007

Things to Never Do

In the spirit of a previous post, "Things to Never Say, re: babies", here is this post.

re: marriage proposals

1. Put the ring in a little plastic grocery store toy bubble thing and set it right inside the little chute. Ask significant other for quarters. Pretend to insert quarters and turn the knob. Pocket quarters, present bubble. Kiss in the vestibule amidst irate shoppers, and ask for security tape. Show security tape to family and friends.

2. Buy the minimum quantity of custom message M&Ms [4 bags worth, $47.96] with the messages "OHMYGOD PLEASE" and "HELP ME" on pink and white candies. Then construct and elaborate trail of alternating treats that ultimately leads to the bathroom. Leave the door ajar and be splayed out in the bathtub with all your clothes on and the shower running. Look dead. And have a ring and stuff.

3. Set a cornfield on fire. For her.


Pearl said...

4. Purchase this book:
leave it on the tiolet for your significant other to find. Say/do nothing.

Lena Webb said...

5. Eat ring, take crap. Tell significant other that there is a ring in there. If she makes a move for the bowl, quickly flush and said "nevermind!" Leave rent check, flee.

NB: Don't spend too much on ring.

Lena Webb said...

That was awful, I'm sorry.