Thursday, July 27, 2006

Too soon?...

...or not soon enough?

Because my dear friends at the CDC are staunch supporters of their institution's motto, "Safer. Healthier. People.", I receive critical insider public health updates from them should they arise. The latest news accelerated my heart rate more than just a bit:

Deadly "Pandemic" hits Hallmark

A four-hour miniseries? The Hallmark Channel? NEXT SUMMER?!?!

On my first readthrough I had missed the "next summer" part and was already half way finished penning my Preparedness Party Plan [PPP] which includes 4 bottles of Crystal Palace vodka [one for each installment of the miniseries], ingredients for peking duck, and a gasmask. But then I realized that my level of Preparedness would exceed that of our federal government because Hallmark wasn't planning on rocking my life until NEXT SUMMER. Why?

Is Hallmark concerned about competing with the film "World Trade Center" in theaters everywhere on August 9th? Do they remember seeing another made-for-TV pandemic film on ABC about, ohh, three months ago and figure they should aid in staggering the national hype? Does Hallmark know something the CDC doesn't?

By next summer we will either be coughing up blood and being bulldozed into mass graves, or drunk on the protective elixer of GlaxoSmithKline's new and recently-lauded H5N1 vaccine. The vaccine, much like Hallmark's perhaps prognostic miniseries, will be out NEXT SUMMER. Wanna grab a vaccination and come back to my place for that bird flu movie? I've got some vodka...

5 comments:

spiffae said...

I so do. Am I invited. I will bring my new rice-picking video game.

Lena Webb said...

Of course you're invited, as long as you accept that the United States is far less symmetrical than Japan.

And don't forget the rice game, whatever you do!

BunnyD said...

Sorry I think I will be busy picking out curtains for my basement with Brad and Ewan.

Lena Webb said...

AND Ewan? Don't you think there's going to be some kind of rationing system in the [almost certain] event of a pandemic?

Mackenzie said...

I should have been cast in this movie so bad...