Thursday, December 08, 2005

The only thing on MY Christmas list



This December, Stephen Hawking becomes a new addition to the list of "Old Men That I Want and Why I Want Them" along with Alan Alda.

I just saw an interview with Stephen Hawkings on PBS and I have to admit-- I'm charmed. The man is charming. And, thank God, he has great eyes. The BBC made a TV drama about his "early years" and I want to own it. Just go to the link and look at ths picture of "Young Stephen Hawking" as portrayed by Benedict Cumberbatch in:

"Hawking"

God yes.

Now let's do this in adherence to the format I adopted last time:

Alan Alda
Age: 69!
Why I want: I'll admit, it's not necessarily the "Old Alan Alda" that does it for me. In fact, my love for him comes primarily from his character Capt. Benjamin Franklin Pierce of the 4077th M*A*S*H unit, or more fondly, "Capt. Hawkeye." As his fictional counterpart, Alan Alda is described as a "cheeky surgeon" and damn right they are-- he's so cheeky, and cheeky is HOT. He's quick as a switch and as sarcastic as a... switch. He suffers the idiocy of the government with his tongue planted firmly in his cheek, and helps other people stay sane as well. While I suffer the idiocy of the government during this wartime [we ARE at war, you know] Alan helps me stay sane every evening on the Hallmark Channel with back-to-back M*A*S*H repeats. Additionally, he hosts the PBS series Scientific American Frontiers, and I don't think I need to elaborate on why THAT'S hot.

Stephen Hawking
Age: 63
Why I want: Let's just tally up the hot points here-- he's a physicist. A THEORETICAL physicist, actually. Count it!

He doesn't look bad for 63 and having been confined to a robot chair for his entire adult life due to progressive ALS. I only wish they'd taken better care of his teeth for him... He is British though, and the chair makes him pretty much a cyborg-- so count it twice!

The man is a stud-- he's got three kids and a hot wife AND 12 honorary degrees.

His research is concerned primarily with unifying quantum mechanics with Einstein's general theory of relativity, forming a single theory to explain the origin (and end) of the universe.

I bet he makes an awesome drinking buddy.

5 comments:

Accidentally Disastrous said...

Holy shit. I thought you had taken that from the Sketchie's List Of Names. Then i went to the site.
The man is actually named "Benedict Cumberpatch"!
That is the greatest name that has ever been uttered.

Mackenzie said...

hell no. santa will not be bringing you stephan hawking for christmas, lena. maybe alan alda though...

Lena Webb said...

You racist!

Shanks said...

Lena, you might have a chance yet with Stephen Hawking...

He came around the Bay Area on a speaking tour a couple of weeks ago, and ended up in the San Francisco gossip column due to his Bacchanalean antics. I read the paper every day on my ride to work, and sometimes I happen to skim the gossip column to see if any interesting names appear.

According to the columnist, after one of Steve's speeches, he went out with some associates to a high class strip joint. Apparently, they were drinking heavily and Steve had some ladies grinding him on his high tech chair. He has a special device which allows him to stick money into strippers g-strings using only his mind.(alright I made the last part up, but the rest is true!)

All I'm saying is practice your moves and next time he's in Atlanta, he'll be yours to do what you want with. Literally.

barnyard said...

i recently saw alan alda on a lifetime movie. he was complaining about his wife being dead and how hard it was to shut off his mind because he was a writer, as if he was constantly thinking of something interesting. cheeky? fine, take cheeky. you're welcome to it. do me a favor, don't let alan alda trick you like he's done the rest of america, he's a putz.

i can't believe i have to say this for the second time in my life but,

alan alda can fuck off.