The Order of the Science Scouts

The Science Creative Quarterly has managed to totally delight me again, this time by calling together those of us who take science so seriously that we're extremely aware of how ridiculous it can actually be. Together, we are The Order of the Science Scouts of Exemplary Repute and Above Average Physique [OOTSSOERAAAP]. Individually, we are nerds. Nerds with badges.

After careful consideration, here are the badges I feel entitled to thus far. Click on each badge to read what merits it represents!

If you listen carefully, you can hear my wine-soaked voice saying "so you can insert this sequence that folds up into a loop and binds the MS2 protein, which you have tagged with green fluorescent protein, and then you can see your mRNA inside the living cell! Wait, I should draw this-- do you have a pen?"




You're looking at it! Maybe even reading it!






I made my 10th grade biology teacher an oil painting of a thromboid mass as a "thank you" for doing such a great job teaching me about the clotting cascade. And I've seemed like a particularly obnoxious kiss-ass to other science students ever since!




Oh, I'm very confident... To smell your own burning hair is to know yourself on a level that doesn't even exist for most.






For example, this is just plain crap-- am I right or am I right? I won't back down, you can't make me.







When sorting out male fruit flies for my crosses, I always pick the ones with the "most apparent" genitalia. Because I'm a shallow whore.






...and also a prick. I once punched a guy for asking me "well did you add dNTPs?"







I toured the Mass General Hospital's pathology department and was encouraged to put my index finger inside a disembodied human bladder from a "fresh autopsy." Well, of course I did!







I froze an egg, and it was pretty boring!





Pearl literally had to drag me away from the cuttlefish tank at the Boston Aquarium. I could have tried to communicate with them using my mind all day!






Yeah, okay, but one [especially a scientist] should never say never!






I will be so drunk when this drinking game is invented. I really hope one of the rules is "if you have ever undertaken a step in the cloning process while drunk, drink!"







I once "made wire" by burning the fuzz off pipe cleaners! Guys? Are you still there? Hello?







This badge exactly depicts me "working with acid" and I have the drop-sized scar on my hand to prove it! 18M nitric, baby.







It's true, I do. And so do you! Congratulations, you are a scientist!