Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Wine Review*

*Please note the titular modification: I drink far too much wine for it to be monthly.

Name: A to Z
Date: 2005
Origin: Oregon
Alcohol content: 13%

This Pinot Gris is a sharp little wine and, outwardly, highly recommended. I impatiently chilled it in the freezer and it was, outwardly, forgiving-- immediately revealing a wonderfully aromatic and round beginning before snatching those ridiculous adjectives right out of my mouth and replacing them with... Ascorbicity (shockingly, not a real word).

But after a glass or two, I found this wine lacking in a critical component. Something was missing. Oh-- that twinge and tang of salty copper I taste when a Scrabble board is laid out in front of me and I am biting my lip with far too much pressure as I rustle around in the letter bag. Clearly. So, I supplemented.
The wine pulled out its 7 tiles, and I mine. Immediately, I saw a clever intro to the game and, in lieu of big points, I anticipated much mirth.

Apparently, the outwardly playful nature of this wine completely dissolved during game play, because it played the following dispite my nudges and winks.
Now, this is exactly the Scrabble attitude that gets people punched in the mouth during Lena-a-mano games, but I held myself back because I was so fancying this wine. With a skeptical glance, I played another jovial pun.
And then the sonofabitch bingoed with "jizzface" for 104 points.
The line was drawn and I was indignant, ordering the wine to check that bullshit slang out at because I was challenging it in a big way.
But the wine just sat there, unphased, infuriating. And so I did what only nasty bitch Scrabble players do-- I tipped the board while uttering spittle-launching expletives.
...and I stomped into the other room to play online Boggle.
This wine is an inward sonofabitch.


MertMengelmier said...

I hope you make Pearl take these pictures of you. Otherwise, I love that you trained the wine bottle to take photos. P.S. Jizzface is totally not worth 104.

Lena Webb said...

When you use all your tiles it's called a "bingo" and you get a bonus 50 points. And that Z is on a triple, C on a double.

We should play Scrabble sometime-- I bet you'll win!

MertMengelmier said...

Oh, okay. Thanks for the clarification. I hate falsities in the blogosphere.