Saturday, November 25, 2006

A Thanksgiving Miracle

This Thanksgiving I was expecting nothing more than to have a few arguments with my mother, have some turkey, get drunk, sleep in, and go back to graduate school having done no work for any of my projects and classes. What actually happened couldn't be less ordinary-- in fact, I would say it was completely extra-ordinary. I'm not even sure if the Internet is ready for this kind of disclosure, but I simply must share this story: The Miracle of Thanksgiving.

I was in the kitchen, rummaging around in the chest cavity of our Holiday bird, when my slippery fingers brushed against something hard and ovoid. Having already touched and directly confronted handfuls of turkey parts, I was feeling pretty desensitized and pushed the object into view.
An egg? Surely these birds are pumped full of hormones that prevent ovulation, and surely these birds aren't allowed to have sex. And how could an egg have survived the brutal processing events following neck sli--

Suddenly the egg wobbled and cracked open into two perfect halves. Now standing inside the dank turkey cavity was a small and vaguely luminescent being. It demanded that I lift it at once.
What was probably most shocking was that the thing didn't have a mouth and was totally communicating with me telepathically. Using its mind, it told me to set it on the counter top preferably in a sunbeam.
I was able to get a good sense of the thing while it stood there, arms spread to accommodate its blunt spines. I asked it [with my mind] "Where do you come from? Another plan--"

"Blah, blah, blah, yeah I'm not from around here and frankly I'd like to get on the road."

"Yeah, it is Thanksgiving" I said. "I understand, you probably have a little-- uhm, pod of family members..."

"What?"

"Nevermi-"

"Listen, you have to do me a favor," The thing told me. "Get some chrome spray paint and a hollow egg. Just spray the egg and I'll do the rest."

I obliged, and watched as the thing cut a hole in the shiny egg and got in.
"Alright, I'm out of here."

"Wait!" I cried. "Don't you have anything to teach me? Something from your planet? Do you know what love is? Do you have songs?"

"You need to take a break. Concentrate on this Shared Imagination Event, and write down these geographical coordinates. I got you this Thanksgiving Present-- thanks for the chrome egg."

And with that, the following image flashed in my mind and the thing was gone.
So now I'm in Sicily and I have a pretty good idea of the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

It's awesome.

3 comments:

Spiffae said...

I've found you.

37°13'28.97"N
13°38'41.60"E

Parked right at the end of the road, in the southern end of the town of Cipolluzze, southern Sicily. The car looks darker than I imagined, but maybe the sattellite was miscalibrated.

Lena Webb said...

Wow, Sicily is way better when it's not a satellite image-- that looks like a gravel quarry! Which, I assure you, it is not!

MertMengelmier said...

If you're in Sicily, look for Larr-old. He is a composite of Larry from "Newhart" and Harold from "NightCourt," he's a spectacular man and has good cheese for eating.