Thursday, July 20, 2006

I'm like a Super Hero

...with the ability to BRUISE!

We all have this ability, but I do it so well. Almost instantly! Like the chameleon rapidly changing its pigmentation to better blend in with its surroundings, so do I bruise. If I were going to lie about this I would go on to say that my bruises, also like the chameleon, mimic the hues of whatever surface I find myself sprawled on or whacked into. But they don't. Should I ever find myself in one of those annoying curled-up-and-getting-beaten-by-many-fans-of-violence situations, I won't melt into the background at all. If anything, my insta-bruises will make me even more obvious and easy to strike.

The reason for all this is that I walked into three separate things this morning. While "Lating dancing" to the lovely songs of Omara Portuondo and friends I whacked into an open door. Then I tripped over the sink-side kitchen rug that the cats had apparently spent all night bunching up and banged my knee. I had been on my way to bring the litter box that the cats apparently spend all their time shitting in outside for a hose cleaning and I banged my upper arm into the quickly closing metal screen door.

While these aren't the worst* bruises I've ever had, they certainly sprung up quickly and I was left to marvel at both my own clumsiness and the splendor of things biological.

It also prompted a nearly immediate google image search to see where my bruises stack up. I was expecting it, but I was still delighted by the amount of personal bruises the world feels compelled to share with their fellow everyman via the Internet. A Sampler:

Okay, that's enough. I guess the lesson to be learned is that we're ALL Super Heros when we get really bad bruises. Which may have something to do with why I walk into so many things. Maybe.

*This photograph, taken by Mackenzie Firer-Sherwood and posted on her blog without my consent, illustrates one of my worst bruises achieved by falling off our front porch and onto a cast iron candlestick/wine bottle holder. I think that's what happened to the second guy up there. But not the first one.


jenovus said...

I'm trying to think of what the fuck could possibly have caused the injury in that first picture, and all I've come up with so far is a terrible cheerleading accident.

Lena Webb said...

I think it was a snowboarding accident. But I'm as sure about that as I am about the gender of the bruisee!

spiffae said...

The only thing I can think of is a terrible, terrible sexual misadventure, the most extreme position in the karma sutra breaking down like a giant tree being felled. A giant tree of sex.

my word verification is "dyhurtyt" - which could be read "did you hurt it"

Mackenzie said...

if you want to know what a bruise really is you should check out my blog...