Thursday, July 20, 2006

I'm like a Super Hero

...with the ability to BRUISE!

We all have this ability, but I do it so well. Almost instantly! Like the chameleon rapidly changing its pigmentation to better blend in with its surroundings, so do I bruise. If I were going to lie about this I would go on to say that my bruises, also like the chameleon, mimic the hues of whatever surface I find myself sprawled on or whacked into. But they don't. Should I ever find myself in one of those annoying curled-up-and-getting-beaten-by-many-fans-of-violence situations, I won't melt into the background at all. If anything, my insta-bruises will make me even more obvious and easy to strike.

The reason for all this is that I walked into three separate things this morning. While "Lating dancing" to the lovely songs of Omara Portuondo and friends I whacked into an open door. Then I tripped over the sink-side kitchen rug that the cats had apparently spent all night bunching up and banged my knee. I had been on my way to bring the litter box that the cats apparently spend all their time shitting in outside for a hose cleaning and I banged my upper arm into the quickly closing metal screen door.

While these aren't the worst* bruises I've ever had, they certainly sprung up quickly and I was left to marvel at both my own clumsiness and the splendor of things biological.

It also prompted a nearly immediate google image search to see where my bruises stack up. I was expecting it, but I was still delighted by the amount of personal bruises the world feels compelled to share with their fellow everyman via the Internet. A Sampler:
Oooooh!
Aaaahh!

Okay, that's enough. I guess the lesson to be learned is that we're ALL Super Heros when we get really bad bruises. Which may have something to do with why I walk into so many things. Maybe.

*This photograph, taken by Mackenzie Firer-Sherwood and posted on her blog without my consent, illustrates one of my worst bruises achieved by falling off our front porch and onto a cast iron candlestick/wine bottle holder. I think that's what happened to the second guy up there. But not the first one.

4 comments:

jenovus said...

I'm trying to think of what the fuck could possibly have caused the injury in that first picture, and all I've come up with so far is a terrible cheerleading accident.

Lena Webb said...

I think it was a snowboarding accident. But I'm as sure about that as I am about the gender of the bruisee!

spiffae said...

The only thing I can think of is a terrible, terrible sexual misadventure, the most extreme position in the karma sutra breaking down like a giant tree being felled. A giant tree of sex.

my word verification is "dyhurtyt" - which could be read "did you hurt it"

Mackenzie said...

if you want to know what a bruise really is you should check out my blog...