Saturday, February 10, 2007

Wine of the Month Review #6

Name: Fleur
Date: 2005
Origin: California
Alcohol content: 13.5%

I love Pinot Noir, and I loved this label. The fact that this wine is "quaffable now" and has a "soft, velvety finish" factored not into this purchase-- this was pure aesthetic idiocy.

At home I tossed the paper bag in the corner, put on my finest floral print button-up, and poured a botanically-detailed glass of this darling wine. At first inhalation, an obvious comparison begged to be made-- and the gustatory follow up provided further solidification.

A craft store.

How fucking perfect! Here I am sitting in my pretty shirt, with this pretty wine, hands folded at my waist! So I made an arrangement.
And then the ornamental bird and I got wasted. We sang!
We drank some more!
We joked!
We read stories!

But when there was a lull in the thus far pleasant evening, the bird said "You know, you're just a retarded 23 year old wino. You don't know anything about wine, and this one definitely tastes like some of the raunchiest cloacal byproduct I've ever had the misfortune of encountering."
"After all our fun? You just come out with this angry bullshit? I knew I should have just left you on the coffee table-- you are one rancid piece of shit, you shit-filled wooden bird." And I mean that.
So, great. I was drunk in my kitchen and in a fight with an ornamental bird. What now? WHAT NOW?!
Hey, do you like Pinot Noir? Yeah, I'm here alone. I was talking to this total asshole a while ago, but he left. A.C. Moore? Oh my GOD-- I totally hear you.

1 comment:

MertMengelmier said...

Honestly, what's that bird's fucking deal? You should cut his penis off.