Selling Out and Selling Stuff

Today on NPR's Morning Edition, while I was taking my fiber caplets and rubbing liniment into my bad knee, I heard a montage of some classic rock clips-- American Woman, Takin' Care of Business, and Just What I Needed.

The story was addressing how much money these bands can make by offering up their greatest hits to the advertisement industry. While many have shamelessly forked over their musical gems to shitty companies like Best Buy and Lowes, at least a few have put their foot down.

For example Randy Bachman, that literal Joan of Arc, refused to have his [only?] hit "Takin' Care of Business" played during an advertisement for toilet paper. Atta Boy, Randy! You rest easy knowing that moms and dads dragging swaths of Cottonelle across their toddlers' asses won't be singing a goofy babytalk version of your masterpiece while doing so.

But apparently Office Depot is a worthy enough showcase, and I guess it makes sense because they sort of do take care of business, don't they? Yeah! Let's go buy some hanging file folders and blow a few lines, okay? Do you have that old song on cassette somewhere?

They finished up the report by listing a few artists who have thus far resisted the temptation to get paid a pantload while millions of Americans hit their mute buttons. Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, and Tom Waits comprised the list and started me thinking of what products their music could possibly complement. Norelco razors and "Transformer Man?" The Special Olympics and "Born to Run?" What about:

Leonard Cohen's "Last Year's Man" for Viagra

The Smiths' "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" for Monster Jobs

Joy Division's "She's Lost Control" for Depends

J-Zone's "Too Many Babies" for Huggies

And the list could go on. It's perfect for long car rides!