Alternative endings for "Sideways"

1. Instead of being wine, the contents of the bucket is gasoline. The main character-- being so hugely depressed because he's a boring, ugly, middle-aged, divorced loser-- lights himself on fire.

2. The contents of the bucket is wine, but it's Merlot and he dies of sheer disdain. Then the main character's ugly, middle-aged, horny friend has sex with with his ex-wife after pounding a bottle of Blue Nun.

3. It turns out wine carries a trace amount of a certain mutagen that causes certain people, namely middle-aged losers, to become hypersensitive to flesh-eating bacteria. There are lots of scenes with flame throwers and in the end everyone dies.

4. Everyone dies.